Dr. Marie Dezelic

Are You a Giver or a Taker?

© 2010 by M. Dezelic & G. Ghanoum

 

 

"We make a living by what we get; we make a life by what we give." (Winston Churchill)

  

We interact daily in relationships with people.  The very word “Relationship” implies mutual reciprocity, both parties participating in giving and receiving, which creates a healthy balance.  A one-sided relationship does not last, because it does not meet the reciprocity qualifier and therefore lacks proper balance and will eventually die out.

 

We are not only in relationships, but we are Interrelated to each other. What is genuinely in you will be shown to each person you come in contact with,otherwise your actions are only fake and solely to get something specific you want.  Eventually with some time, the true motives of a person will be seen.

 

There are Givers and Takers in every relationship.  The Giver constantly gives, gives-in and even gives away what they need to sustain a healthy life.  They usually become an enabler, and often use excuses to pardon behavior of others or make excuses about themselves that this is “the way they are.”  Most of the time, this behavior comes from a need of acceptance, appreciation, love and attention.  The Taker, on the other hand, takes from everyone, takes as much as they can, and takes advantage of people.  They are only looking out for their own self-interests.  They are good at fooling everyone so that they can be consistently given to, but they don't turn around and give back to that person or the next when they are called to do the same.  The man in the gospel was a Taker and took advantage of his masters’ kindness, and didn’t return that same kindness to his servant.
 

Every person that is around you will either add to your life and make you grow, or subtract from it and detract you from your goals and purpose in life.  Givers Care For Others; Takers Have To Be Taken Care Of By Others.  Givers have in mind, by nature, the well-being of both the self and others.  Takers, on the other hand, have in mind only their own well-being.  That is the crux of the problem- that Giver/Taker relationships have the potential of becoming abusive and therefore hurtful.

 

A Giver keeps on giving to his or her “Taker,” in hopes that the love involved in this sacrifice will someday elicit a transformation, and a true caring from the Taker-partner will eventually be displayed.  One day when the giver cannot give for whatever reason, the taker leaves the relationship, inflicting on the giver guilt and the blame game.

 

Givers and Takers always partner up, but it’s not a healthy environment, because one is taking advantage and the other is being taken advantage of.

 

“The secret of successful marriages/relationships is not that each gives only to the other, but that each gives to the relationship, and the relationship, in turn, will feed each partner.  Serve the marriage and the marriage will serve you many times over.  That’s what is called synergy.”

 

Instead of falling into the Giver/Taker roles, there is another more powerful role to take on.  Become an INVESTOR in relationships.  An investor has to put in, to receive back; sometimes they receive immediate gains and other times long-term gains, but they keep giving into the “account of the relationship” to keep it thriving.  Over time the account grows… because of the constant giving, receiving and collaboration of both people into the unified goal of a secure and healthy relationship.
 

The Investor partners with people to invest into the relationship and not to the person.  When you’re investing into the person, then again you’re looking for a specific gain- to be noticed, to get attention, to receive love or admiration.  When both people invest in the relationship, the relationship will flourish and both will be receivers of the benefits, short-term, middle-term and long-term.  This creates a BALANCE.  When you are balanced and feel your relationships are balanced, then you will be able to receive from the person and give back to them and others.

 

Living is giving, but giving with measures to contribute to the wellbeing of others by creating a harmonious environment, not to be taken advantage of!  When the giving is not motivated by ulterior motives to be loved or accepted, then the giving leads a good living.  When the right people are in your life, you’ll be able to grow and focus on your assignment; when the wrong people are in your life, they will cause you to focus on them and their problems only, only taking and detracting from you.  The result is that neither of you will grow.  Work on creating a balanced relationship where both can flourish.

 

The Giver gives and forgives, the Taker gets and forgets.  Become an Investor for a lifetime.