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  • Dr. Marie Dezelic

When I Go Walking

Have you ever studied yourself? Studied your physical human form Examined your totally unique hands and feet, each line and distinctive marking Every natural curvature to your body The subtle etched indentations made on your visage by your oh so common facial expressions The color of your eyes, the devilish twinkle or heart wrenching sadness What you see of yourself with these colorful tunnels into the depths of your ocean The feel of the soft hair on your head running through your fingertips

Have you ever studied yourself? Studied your intellectually created persona The all knowing of you Thought about- I am… I come from… I am most similar to… I feel… I crave… I was… I have accomplished… I will be… I will do… My character is… I love… I hate… I have been hurt… I cherish… Every idea, thought, image, feeling and notion you have of yourself

Have you ever studied yourself? Studied how your sexuality has shaped you among your peers What it means to you, your soft femininity What it means to you, your strong masculinity Which gender in you has engrossed your way of interacting in the outside world Which gender is more in your disposition Or are they in constant struggle against each other for expression Are you in touch with each of the intricate nuances of your aggression and receptiveness What sexuality and sensuality signify for you What secrets you carry deep inside of you How you like to be kissed and touched and caressed

Have you ever studied yourself? Sat in one place, in one space, in one precise moment, and said to yourself- I know who I am, in every way, from every angle and every view From my exterior to my interior From the muscular physical body to the sophisticated psyche that speaks of who I am And then thought- I am none of this I am not who they all see, who they all know I am not who I see, and who I know When I remember this, for that very precious moment I know that I have received the message

When I go walking… I leave my body behind I leave all my collected knowledge of myself, like a trail of tiny footprints Fading in the sand, trying to keep up But never quite close enough to catch my stride I become free from all that is known of me And all that I know of me I become what I am… Me And then- I can see the real you Piercing right through the beating organs, multiple tissue layers and millions of microscopic cells That are working so diligently to keep you alive I see your color, I feel your tenderness I say to you- I know you, deep from within me Yet, it’s nice to meet you anew, again and again

When I go walking… I embrace you and the few others which I have chosen and who have chosen me To attempt to journey the path together towards our intended meeting place Sometimes carrying the weight of the human body And sometimes walking as free and light as a weightless feather floating gently in the sky

When I go walking… I feel freedom and peace No care for anything, yet a care for everything I run, dance, fly and sit I thank you for accompanying me And I cherish our sweet moments of infinite togetherness and connection I treasure being in this altered state of existence with you, my friend In a place that most do not go or do not dare to even know

When I go walking… I never wonder, I never question I never weep and I never fear Simply, When I go walking I am me And that is all I truly know and see

© 2012, Dr. Marie Dezelic

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